Hello From The Other Side

Well hey.  It's been a minute, yes?  I don't even know if anyone is reading this, or will read it.  But what a journey I've been on this past year.  I've been so absent because my life fell apart over the past year, but I think it's finally back to normal (somewhat).

Last time I was here, I wrote a post that kind of summed up where I was in life.  How I was so overwhelmed and so stressed and so just EVERYTHING that I had no choice but to rely on God.  And trust Him and his faithfulness.  And He was faithful, alright, but I'm not even going to pretend that this last year was easy.

Ace died.  Two months after writing that last post.  I still can't think about it too much without losing it.  As a matter of fact, I'm crying while writing this now.  I miss that dog so much.  And he went through hell in his last few months.  He never got better.  He got worse and worse and worse and finally went to the UGA vet hospital for a feeding tube.  I was going to pick him up Monday afternoon, but I got a call Monday morning that he had died.  The vets had no explanation and didn't know why he died, or even why he never got better, but I think he was just done.  Just tired of it all and gave up.

Photo Cred: My sister Jamie

I loved that dog.

And I know he was just a dog, and all over this WORLD people are losing their children and their parents and their husbands and wives, and Ace was just a dog.  But he was so much more than a dog to me, and I'm not ever going to apologize for loving him like I did and mourning him like I did, and still am.

I sold my house in two weeks back in March.  Like received an offer, accepted, and closed two weeks later.  I moved my entire life into a storage unit and then lived in my parents' guest room for two months until I found a house.

Which I did.  I closed on it, moved into the house, packed up and moved out of my classroom, and then left the country for two and a half weeks.  All in one week.

Oh yeah, and I left my job and went back to my old school.  Back home.  It's funny because I went back and read a post about why I left and the struggles I was having with the old job and the new job and OH MY GOSH.  How funny and sweet it is to look back on life with a much different perspective.  That's all I'm going to say about going back home to my old school and leaving the new school. :)

There's been a lot of other tough stuff going on, too, but it's not all my business, so I'm going to keep that to myself.

But there's also been some really awesome stuff going on, too.  I have some of the best friends in the world.  Friends who let me call them up and just vent.  Friends who will pray for me without me even having to ask.  Friends who will surround me when I spent $15,000 on my dog and he still died.  I went back to Uganda eleven years after my first trip.  I went with my aunt and my sweet friend Raeshelle.  It was such a trip to remember.  I have the cutest niece in the world.  She's almost a year old now.  I still have the other best dog in the world, Marley.  And he can't die.  Ever.  My boyfriend is pretty great, too.  We've been together since March.

Top, L to R: Wedding selfies, best dog ever, sweet niece
Middle, L to R: Sweet friends, Uganda, Ugandan cattle
Bottom, L to R: Kids in Uganda, the new house, more sweet friends

So that's where I've been.  The good, the bad, and the ugly.  I can't guarantee I'll be posting regularly again, but I'm here now.

Love to you all.

The Faithfulness of God

Two weeks ago, my church played "It Is Well" by Bethel Music.  It was haunting and beautiful and I cried.  Have you heard this song?

I have been obsessed with it since then.  Like, listening to it over and over and over.  Friday night, I went to Athens and listened to the song for the entire hour drive over.  I connect with music, and this is a song I've really connected with.  

My life is a MESS right now.  I have enormous amounts of stress and pressure from every single area in my life.  I'm not going to go into all the details, mainly because it would take forever, but also because I'm not here to get pity.  But it's my job, my house, my finances, my dogs, even my family.  It is overwhelming and soul-crushing.  A little dramatic, maybe, but I'm not lying.  I've never felt this defeated, alone, and lost.

Do you ever feel guilty for feeling stressed out?  Or downplay your problems to others?  I am the worst (or maybe best?) at telling other people I'm fine and putting on a good face when people ask me how I am.  Instead, I'm one step away from a complete nervous breakdown.  I always feel like my problems are never really that big and it could always be worse, so I should shut up and not complain.  Everyone has problems and stress, so don't burden them with your own.

So I keep it in and push it away and internalize it.  My stress comes out in other ways- mainly it takes a toll on my body.  I had some pretty bad chest and arm pains a couple of weeks ago, and I found myself wishing it was a blood clot so I could get admitted to the hospital and be forced to rest.  Isn't that messed up?  That should be a huge red flag that YOU ARE NOT IN A GOOD PLACE.  I can't believe I just admitted that, either. 

Anyway, I'm also a problem solver type person, and I don't like depending on others to help me.  I definitely don't want others to feel obligated to help me.  Including God.

I've also realized that's how I view my relationship with God when I have big problems.  Like I said before, I've been obsessed with the song "It Is Well."  I watched the video on the story behind the song the other day and again, immediately started crying.

Kristene DiMarco wrote the song, and she shared the story in the video.  Some of her words just completely resonated with me, especially these two lines.

"...to encounter the faithfulness of God is not always a comfortable thing because you have to be in a place where you actually need somebody to be faithful to you."

"I realized that I just needed to not despise my need for God."

Y'all, this just really wrecked me.  I despise my need for God, but I didn't realize it.  I am a type-A person who likes to have control of things.  I've known this.  I've known it's hard for me to release control.  I don't like to have to need others and I don't like to have to be dependent on others.  I know that.  But I never recognized that I despised my need for God, my dependence on God.  Kristene DiMarco was absolutely right when she said it's not a comfortable thing to know the faithfulness of God.  

It's not comfortable.  It's not enjoyable.  It sucks to be quite honest.  My problems are BIG.  They are HEAVY.  They have the potential to be life-changing.  They are emotionally, mentally, physically, and financially draining.  I'm actually putting my house on the market to eliminate some of these problems.  But I have a feeling that these problems will only get bigger and worse before they get better.  

So no, there's nothing comfortable about my life right now.  I've been asking myself, and I guess God, what in the world am I supposed to be learning through all of this?  Am I supposed to be learning that Dave Ramsey was right and you need a savings fund of 3-6 months of your income?  That would have helped with the dog bills, the new roof bills, the interior damage bills, and the other financial pressures I have right now.  

Am I supposed to be learning that the only thing that's constant is change?  I'm pretty sure I learned that years ago.  Am I supposed to be learning to be thankful for my health?  Because that's literally the only thing that's going well for me right now.  But I don't think any of those are what I'm supposed to be learning.

The chorus of the song goes like this...

"So let go my soul and trust in Him, the waves and wind still know His name."  That line gets me EVERY SINGLE TIME.  It has become my prayer this past week when I am too exhausted and overwhelmed to even utter a real prayer.  I just pray those lines.

Trusting God has always been hard for me.  It's scary to release that control without knowing what the end result will be.  See above, when I talk about being a type-A control freak.  In the story video for the song, Kristene makes the statement that she bets anything we will ever face already knows His name and has already tasted some level of defeat because of what God has done and there's nothing really to be afraid of.  

When I am reminded of that, that gives me confidence in knowing that in the end, God will prove faithful.  Somehow.  I don't believe that that means all my problems will be solved.  Not at all.  Sure, I'd love for someone magical genie to show up and give me lots of free money, lift all the pressures I feel from work, heal my dog, and fix majorly fractured relationships.  But it's not going to happen.  I'm selling my house, I may have to say goodbye to Ace in a few short months or a few years, I don't have any clue if I can withstand the pressures from my job much longer, and the relationships and marriages of people very near and dear and close to me may end.  I can't do anything to stop that.  

But as the song says, "Through it all, my eyes are on You.  And it is well with me."

No matter what happens, no matter how these issues in my life may play out, my eyes and my focus are on God.  And I am learning to be okay because of that.  

Where I've Been

Well, hello there.  I'm coming to you from a rainy mess in Georgia.  It's been raining for what feels like two weeks straight.

I'm also coming to you from the tail end of the most stressful time in my life.  The past month has been completely crazy, which is why I'm been MIA.  My roof decided to start leaking, and it's been a month long process trying to get insurance and my roofing company to figure it out.  Meanwhile, it's been raining and raining, and my leak keeps getting worse and worse.

Then, I finally got an answer to my dog Ace's limp.  A peripheral nerve sheath tumor.  Cancerous.  Two options: leg amputation or let him deal with it.  Neither of them guarantee a cure.  Even after amputation, the vet said he may only have six months to a year if the cancer wasn't contained and removed.

But I decided to get his leg amputated and then Ace can't do anything normal.  He had some major complications and spent two weeks at UGA's vet hospital.  His bill ended up being over $10,000.  That's TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS.  Thankfully, UGA is working some things out with me and are covering some of that bill.

But still, a new roof is roughly $9,000-$10,000 for a house my size.  My dog just cost me over $10,000.  That's over $20,000 of crap that I may or may not be responsible for.

Ay yi yi.

Oh, and not to mention it's been really busy with work.  All of these I will blog about later, especially Ace.  That's been really hard.  But things are looking up and today I'm spending the entire day on the couch with my tripod boy, watching movies and football.  And eating nachos and crappy food.

I love weekends.

Boy likes to lick his wounds 

How we spend our Saturday mornings

So friends...I've got the ending of Empire Records to watch.  See you soon.

Changing and Growing

I think I have mentioned that I switched jobs this year.  I am still teaching fourth grade, I just left the school and county where I have worked for the past eight years and moved to the county in which I grew up in and graduated from.  It's also the largest school system in the state of Georgia, and I was coming from a fairly small one (eight total elementary schools and two high schools).

One of my main reasons for leaving Barrow County was to get closer to where I lived.  I am now four minutes from home.  It is fantastic.  The other day I left after working for 30-40 minutes after work, ran several errands that lasted an hour and a half and still got home before 5:30.  That would have never been possible at my old school.

Another reason for leaving, and one that I didn't really mention to anyone, was that I never expected to be at my old school for so long.  I was getting stuck and I didn't feel myself growing as a teacher.  I was at my old school for eight years.  I was pretty comfortable with my job.  Maybe too comfortable.  Please don't misinterpret me when I say this and please don't think that I am super cocky, but I was good at my job, I was a leader within my building, and people came to me when they had questions.  I didn't know everything, but I knew a lot of what was going on.

Do you know how hard it is to go from a position where you know what's going on, what's expected, where you can just go drop in your boss's office if you have a question and feel totally comfortable, where you can question something and feel totally comfortable and then go somewhere brand new where none of that is the case?

It's incredibly hard.  And trust me, I know I'm not the first person to change jobs and be in this position, but this is the first time I've changed jobs in my adult life.

I'm learning.  Everyone at my new school has been so helpful.  I can go to anyone and ask them a question.  Multiple people, some who I still don't know their name, will ask me how it's going, how I'm adjusting, and how it's different from where I came from.

I love my new school.  I loved my old school.  In the end, I know that this job change has challenged me and will grow me more than anything I've ever done in the past eight years.  I know without a doubt I will be a better teacher because of this move.  

But y'all.  Change and growth is hard.  And every time I feel like I've got my head above water a gigantic ship comes by and leaves a wake of waves that almost drown me.

I'll just keep treading, keep breathing, and keep swimming.  And I'll make it.

But maybe somedays I'll feel like responding like this when people ask me how I'm doing.

Teacher Week: Make Ahead Meals

I'm a day late with this one, but oh well.  Yesterday was just one of those days, YA KNOW.  And today was just the same.

So I'm all about some make ahead meals.  I joked on Monday that I would have a list of my favorite fast food meals as my make ahead meals...and I wasn't entirely kidding.

Since it's just me and since I live less than five minutes from Chick-fil-a, Taco Bell, and Zaxby's (my three favorite fast food joints), it is so incredibly easy to just go through the drive thru when I have a busy night.

But seeing as how my pants are tighter than ever and I genuinely do care what goes into my body (ignore the Sprite and brownies I am currently eating- it is stress, people, and lots of it), I do try to make some meals ahead.

Here are my most favorite with links:

Breakfast Casserole- this is easy, and it's paleo approved too!  So long as you get the right kind of meat, but veggies, spinach, and eggs are definitely Paleo approved.  I eat a few squares of this, along with some protein balls, and I am full all morning until lunch.  **The recipe makes muffins, I just pour mine into a casserole dish or baking pan and cut it into pieces.  I hate pouring out muffins or cupcakes, so I avoid it if I can.

Buffalo Chicken Spaghetti Squash- alright, look.  Spaghetti squash is a royal pain to try to open and cook.  But once you do the hard work and get that sucker open and scraped, it is DELISH.  Seriously.  I was skeptical at first, but I am a huge fan of spaghetti squash.  And this makes a ton.  Also paleo approved, so long as you leave out the blue cheese crumbles.

Crock Pot Cream Cheese Chicken Chili- this is most definitely NOT paleo approved, but it is Elise approved.  This junk is DELICIOUS with some sour cream and tortilla chips on top.  Love it on a chilly day.

Shredded Buffalo Chicken- this is pretty good on a hamburger bun with some pepper jack cheese on top.  It's easy and makes a ton.


Those are my favorite, made most often meals.  They make a lot (at least for one person), and they're easy to freeze and/or reheat.  I also enjoy frozen pizzas, tacos, salads, and QT taquitos and buffalo chicken on the reg as well.

#thesinglelife

byeeeeee.

Teacher Week: 5 Fun Facts

So I definitely forgot I had a blog for the past few weeks.  It might have something to do with the fact that this is the first week I feel like I can breathe and I'm not working 15 hours a day.

And what better way to jump back in to blogging (for the millionth time) than to do a Teacher Week link-up?

Blog Hoppin' has got their annual Teacher Week going on.  Today's topic is...

And who doesn't like talking about themselves?

one. I might as well start with teacher stuff, right?  I teach fourth grade, and this year I moved schools and counties and OH MY WORD it has been hard.  So incredibly hard.  I love my new school and my new coworkers and my new county (and also my old school/coworkers/county), but those two counties are like night and day.  But it gets easier each day and I LOVE LOVE LOVE having a FOUR minute commute.

You can't beat that.

two. I am a huge animal lover.  Like if I read a tribute to someone's pet who has passed away or watch a rescue/tribute video, I'm done.  For the day.  I'll cry like a baby.  If I ever win the lotto, a good portion of it will go directly to animal shelters and rescue organizations.

Of course I have three animals myself.  Two fat dogs and a spoiled cat.  Ace, the lab, and Emmy, the cat are very high maintenance, but I love them to death and would do anything for them and spend any amount of money on them.  (Honestly- Ace doesn't just have one vet, he has two regular vets AND now a neurologist.  That's not cheap.)

The queen...Emmy

My sweet boy Marley

The big baby Ace...this was when he split his tongue open and he had to get it cauterized 

three. I do not like silence.  I always have to have the tv or Spotify or Pandora or something going on in the background.  This is true of my classroom, too.  Unless it's a test or DEAR time or something like that, I like to play music in the classroom.  My favorite thing to play is one of Vitamin String Quartet's covers.  This is my favorite.

four. I love to travel, anywhere and everywhere.  I went to Greece for two weeks this past summer and fell in love with Santorini.  A huge part of my heart is in Uganda.  I also am dying to go to Montana and Wyoming.  My parents have been talking about going and I told them if they do not invite me, I will disown them.  (not really, but really.)

 

Crete, Greece

Crete, Greece

My cousin and I

Our hotel in Mykonos

five. I didn't admit that I wanted to be a teacher until my senior year of high school.  Then, in college, for almost two years I wavered with totally changing my major and transferring to University of Florida.  I even questioned my choice to be a teacher throughout the first few years of teaching, even though I loved my job and loved teaching.  However, I truly could not imagine doing anything else now (except cashing in interest checks from my million dollar lottery win and living on the beach...you gotta have dreams, people).

Well, it's already past eight.  Past my bedtime for the first month of school, yo.  This girl is tired.  I'll be back tomorrow for....Make Ahead Meals.

I'll just be posting links to my favorite fast food places.

JUST KIDDING.  (but not really.)

Greece 2015: Mykonos

After Santorini, we took another ferry over to Mykonos.  Mykonos was an add-on to our initial plan.  When we bought our plane tickets, we ended up saving almost $600 just by leaving Atlanta a few days earlier than planned, so we tacked on one more place to visit.

Mykonos was...interesting.  It wasn't as stunningly beautiful as Santorini, in my opinion.  I mean, don't get me wrong.  It was still gorgeous, especially on the beach.  But I don't think we did enough research on where we were staying.

The port

Squinty selfie

The infamous windmills

The pink pelican!

Our hotel was beautiful, and the owner was incredibly nice.  I'd stay at the hotel again for sure, but we stayed smack in the middle of Paradise Beach, which is the party beach.

The view from the hotel pool

And it is a party beach.  Anna Kate and I arrived at our hotel, unpacked a little, and then went to the beach.  It was a quick walk, but before we could even see the water we heard the club music going.  Apparently after four pm it turns into a club scene.  I don't go to the beach to go clubbing, I go for some relaxation.

Oh, and then without realizing it, we ended up on the nude beach side.  Now listen.  Nude beaches don't bother me at all.  I'm not confident enough to go nude myself, but more power to you.  However.  When the beach is so crowded that when I look up from laying out, some random old dude's junk is literally two feet in front of my face, I don't enjoy that.

We went back to the beach the next morning and it was MUCH calmer and quieter.  :)

Mykonos is also a party island, and we didn't realize that.  Again, that's fun, but some of our fellow hotel guests were loud and partying it up really, really late.

All in all, Mykonos was my least favorite island.  I'm still glad I went, though, because it was pretty and I ate THE BEST moussaka I've ever had in my entire life.  Also, the first moussaka I've ever had in my entire life, but still.