I Am A Control Freak

I am sick.  What a way to start out what is supposed to be a super fun weekend.  I have allergies that have moved into my chest.  So now I sound super sexy and all man-like.

Anyway, this school is only thirteen days in and it already feels like my class has been together for months.  I also am learning a LOT about myself.  Seriously, a ton.

I have a student teacher this year, and boy, does that teach you about yourself.  She is great, don't get me wrong, but I am learning that I am a control freak.

Ok, really, I already knew that.  But I am learning just how much I like to control things.  I mean, I think teachers in general all have a little controlling nature in themselves- we are in charge of a classroom with 20-30 kids on a daily basis.  You've gotta have some control in order to be successful.
So a student teacher's role is to gain more experience in the classroom and learn to become a successful teacher.  The only way to do that is to get experience.  I have to relinquish some of that control over to her.  It's HARD.  At the end of the day, no matter how great of a student teacher anyone is, those are MY kids.  I am responsible for them, and I want them to be successful.  Giving up control to someone I know very little about is very difficult for me, but I am trying.

Someone had to do it for me, you know?  And I signed up for this, I agreed to have a student teacher.  I knew what I was agreeing to- I just have to do it.

I am also learning to delegate responsibilities.  Remember that whole control freak thing?  I am also of the mindset that things don't get done right unless I do them myself.  That's not necessarily true (ok, maybe a little).  But this year, I have a lot of responsibilities on my plate.  A lot.  Some I signed up for, some I did not.  And this goes for at work and at home.  I physically and mentally cannot do it all.  I have to rely on others around me, and that's honestly something new as well.

But you know, I think being able to do all of that is coming from being able to fully and truly turn over my problems to God.  That's always been hard, too, but over the past two months, it's something I've prayed about and have been able to do.

So it's baby steps.  Just baby steps.