Goin' To The Chapel

So, most of you are well aware that I am single.  And live at home with the 'rents.  It's awesome.  I'm totally serious 50% of the time and totally sarcastic the other 50% of the time.  

And if you weren't aware of that, now you are.  I moved back home last year at 25 because I wanted to finish my master's and save money.  

{About that: I finished my master's, but I'm actually more in debt than I was before!  Thank you very much, private school.}

Anywho, this post is about marriage.  Cause I'm marrying this dude:

Although Dale, Jr. has no idea yet.

Kidding.

In all seriousness, over the past two or three months I have found out that a LOT of married couples I know are having serious marriage problems.  A few are splitting up and others are just on the rocks.  And the thing is, none of them are due to cheating.  

And that scares the CRAP out of me.

Like many girls, I grew up thinking I'd meet someone in college and get married right after college.  Then play house for a few years and start popping out kids.  Clearly, that didn't happen.  AND I AM THANKFUL FOR THAT.  Truly.  My life is/I am a hot mess and I cannot imagine having to take care and support other people, in addition to all my problems.

Still, there are times that I honestly cannot wait to be married.  And I don't just mean have a wedding- cause I've got that planned out thanks to Pinterest.  I mean, share a life with someone else.  Get to know someone intimately.  Wake up next to someone every day forever.  And yeah, play house.  

And not to mention the other benefits of being married.  Always having a date for weddings.  Always having someone to sit next to in church.  Never taking out the trash again.  

But then the fear of what if it doesn't work out takes over.  I have a hard time with divorce.  My parents are still married and they honestly, truly have worked at their marriage.  It is by no means the best marriage out there (is there really one out there anyway??).  But they have had plenty of opportunities for both of them to walk away and they didn't.  And I am thankful for that.  

The thing that scares me, though, is what if my future marriage falls apart- for whatever reason?  The people that I currently know that are having problems?  It's for random, crazy stuff and with most of them it's just one-sided.  Only one person wants out.  That one-sided, out of left field, I want out, I want to be single stuff scares me.

I think part of my fear of marriage/divorce is my need to control things.  And I can't control other people or their actions.  I've got learn to let some of that control go, I know.

It's just so, so, so hard.  I've been praying about it, I've been trying to not be such a control freak.  And you don't have to tell me how ridiculous it is to be worrying about such a thing when I don't even have a boyfriend, much less a husband.  I'm the queen of irrational fears, remember?

I've GOT to trust in the Lord and that He's got a plan for me, whatever that is and whatever happens.  This verse helps remind me of that:

Source: lamplightart.com via Elise on Pinterest

I'm slowly getting there, but this is definitely something the Lord is working on in my life.  Fo sho'.