Again, it's hard to put into words how I feel when I return from mission trips. The Lord teaches me so much and shows me so much. I didn't journal much on this trip, except on the last Sunday, when we were in the airport in Guayaquil. I'm going to share a little of what I wrote:
I left a piece of my heart in Ecuador. I don't know if I've ever cried that much after leaving on a mission trip. The kids and the families are so open, giving, and loving and it is really convicting. So many things were running through my mind this week. We (ME) have such ugly hearts sometimes and I know I'm guilty of that. I am often reminded of how much I fall short of what is expected of me and how un-Christlike I can be at times. Yet, these people still love me and the Lord does too. It's humbling, to say the least.
Seriously, I'm no better than anyone else. I've made mistake after mistake and I've hurt people and made absolutely terrible decisions with even worse consequences, against my better judgement. But the Ecuadorian children and people didn't know and even if they did, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't have cared. Those kids and families loved us and accepted us and cared for us, no questions asked. Isn't it ironic that we go to their village to share the love of Christ with them and THEY teach ME about loving others like Jesus does?
There are so many things I'm not good at. I could start listing them, but it's really not necessary. For a long time, even while teaching, I felt like I had no purpose, no direction in life, no skills. I know that's not true, but it was during a kind of rough time in my life when I was just kind of treading water. I will never be the next Ron Clark or change the world, but I can love. I can love my students, I can love the kids in Ecuador, I can love the people in my county. I can love my family, I can love my friends, and I can love people I've never met. Sometimes I think this is a curse because my heart breaks when there's not much I can do to help. Still, I think loving others is something I'm definitely good at. I think the Lord's been pressing on my heart to show that love more.
About a month ago, I got baptized. It was a defining moment in my walk with the Lord, but the sermon was as well. The sermon that day was over the first chapter of Acts, specifically verses 1-8. Verse 8 reads "But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth." Obviously, international missions comes to mind when reading this verse. But I also felt the Lord pressing on my heart to love more and be a more of a witness when it comes to the people in my community, whether that be my school and my students, my town and my county, my church, Atlanta, or somewhere else around me. I can go to another continent and show God's love, so it shouldn't be that hard to show God's love to the people around me, right? I wish.
The final prayer in my journaling from my trip was this:
I pray that the Lord shows me where He wants me and makes it clear where He can use me. I also pray that the Lord continues to press on my heart a love and a heart for the people in Gwinnett, in Georgia, in my school, and in my community.
That's all I ask. I just have to be ready for the answer.
I think this Josh Wilson song sums up a little of what I'm feeling.
I refuse to stand and watch the weary and lost cry out for help
I refuse to turn my back and try and act like all is well
I refuse to stay unchanged, to wait another day to die to myself
I refuse to make one more excuse
1 comment:
What a beautiful experience, and I love that song! They've been playing it a lot on KLOVE lately.
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