The Fact of the Matter Is...

Fact:  I have a Type A personality.

Fact:  I have a need to control many, many, many things in my life and, unfortunately, sometimes others.

Fact:  This causes me a lot of stress in my life.

I was looking over my monthly budget- something I haven't done in a loooong time- and I realized, yet again, what a control freak I am.  I have every penny planned out this month.  Will I screw it up and spend money designated for something else or money I don't have?  Um, yes.  I can almost promise you that.

I can also promise you that I will be extremely hard on myself for it.  I have student loans from undergrad and now grad school.  I also have a fairly hefty car loan.  And I have a balance on my credit card bill (which honestly isn't a lot, but it still needs to be paid off).  I look at the money I owe and can get so down on myself because I'm not debt-free.  With me, it's all or nothing.  Doesn't matter that I'm living rent free at the parental units' house.  Doesn't matter that I finished my master's degree in just over a year and that I worked my butt off to get it done in that amount of time.  Doesn't matter that I only have one credit card now with a balance below the max, whereas I had three that were maxed out just a year ago.

I have a horrible, horrible tendency to compare myself to others.  And I realize it's human nature, especially for girls to compare themselves to other girls.  But it still doesn't make it okay.  I look at someone who doesn't have a car payment because their car is paid off.  I look at someone else who doesn't have any student loans.  I look at another person who has no credit cards.  And I come up short every single time.  In my eyes, at least.

I've gone on a little tangent here.  My original point was that I don't have control over my money.  Technically, I do.  But I don't.  I have tried everything- cash only, using envelopes, cutting up credit cards, everything.  I can cut out eating out for awhile, I can stop buying clothes, and I can go out with friends and not spend money.  And that works.  But I can't help getting sick and having to get tests and blood work done, I can't help my expected $150 vet bill turning out to be $350 (I'll give you one guess as to which dog caused that bill), I can't help having to replace my windshield because of rocks hitting it.  It's the unforeseen that I hate.  And the fact that I can't control what might come up during the month KILLS me and my type A personality.

I am hoping to turn over a new leaf this month and try to stress less about money and not having everything under control, but I don't think that will happen. 

Here's to hoping, though!